The Morning Post

Quarreled with my sister just now. I asked her politely to place back the stand fan but she ignored me and continue to sleep (she is not asleep). So I waited and waited and wait... then asked her again, and twice after that. Still she behaved so! Of course I'm fucking angry! So I raised my voice and yet she did not fucking bothered! What the hell?! She used the stand fan and just fucking leave it for me to place it back for her. I've did that a couple of times but I had enough of it!

I screamed at her and she have the nerves to say, 'Then why didn't you feed your dog before you leave? Why must Mama (grandma) do it for you?! Don't you dare say anything if your acting the same!'. FUCK her! I don't have enough time to do so! She fucking think that I love troubling a 70+ year old lady! If I have the time I would do so, but my dog does not eat that early in the morning! This she know fucking well, and still she fucking ask! Before Mama came staying with us, I practically had to pursue Cow to eat for a long time before he finally eat his food.

It's not like she did not take care of Cow before! I am fucking fed up with her annoying behaviour! Doing things dilly dally... Does not give a shit about people's feelings only HERS is; like the world is only her! Bullshit studying business management! Can't even fucking manage your personal affairs properly, wanna manage a business?! So I shouted to her, if she does not wanna put it back, then sleep outside the room! Yes, I am kicking her out of the room!

My super duper nice mom, came and said, 'What is wrong with you?! It's midnight. Who do you think you are? Is this your house?' . Automatically, she puts the blame on me, everything single thing is my fault! She didn't even bother to ask what is happening! This is so typical of her! Never she tries to understand the situation. When I tell her, she just stared at me and walked away. What the hell is that?! My grandma had to stick her feet in! Started blaming me for creating this scene...

I got really mad, so I started my sarcasms system was activated. This is precisely what I said,

'Yes, every single thing is my fault. It's ok to blame it on me... Its not like the first time, everything that has gone wrong between us (siblings) is definitely my fault! They are right, I am definitely wrong!'.

Then I was like fuck it! And went to bed...

We were asked to answer this question 'Are you a mentally healthy child?' in Mental Health Community lecture yesterday. I actually answered, yes... but now, I don't think so... Their treatment toward me is the reason why I have very low self esteem. I feel like I was never good enough for them; never meet their expectations. Like I was never the daughter they wanted...

Sometime I wonder, am I my mother's daughter. Not only the fact that my personality and behaviours are so different from hers; we are nothing alike except the face! Does she hate me for something? As a child, I was never once praised by her or my dad; not even when I scored really well in my exams. I got like 5As for PMR and 'Ok.' was all she said. Even for SPM; 5As and 5Bs, they never said anything at all. They know I am very disappointed with my results but yet they don't seem to bother; it's almost like they are ignorant. I fucking cried when I knew my results.

Why do parents like to compare their kids' results with others? Why can't they just be contented with their child's progress? Don't they know that their child's intelligence is partially their gens and it's also how they help to develop their child's intelligence at a young age? Besides education. I tend to talk blunt, but its like I wanted to. I've tried to change that weakness of mine but I find it hard to do so... If you do not like it at all, all you have to do is walk away!

I didn't force you to listen; I'm just stating my opinion towards a certain subject that I'm asked by your sister in-laws! If your sister in-laws are trying discourage me, of course I would fight back. If they are not nice to me, why would I be nice to them? If they talk sarcastic with me, I'll talk back sarcasm to them. They 'invited' me not the other way round. I know I could just ignored it, but I just can't cause it's not true and it does not sound nice at all! Do you how hard is it for me to control my temper; like the real me!